/ you MUST know that i already admire you so much that i worried you h a t e d our threads; mostly because i thought i wasn’t interesting and/or my replies weren’t up to par. apologies again for my dramatic ass…… but truly it’s because i adore your work so much! i’m not at all lying when i say i beam at my phone or gasp quietly under my breath when i get a response to our threads. you really have a way of expressing how your muses feel without them even committing an act. sometimes it’s in metaphor, sometimes it’s in the way they breathe, or a recall to a prior memory, and, gaga vc. i’m your biggest fan! and top that incredible talent off with the most comical ims and adorable memes thrown my way, and i’m smitten. xo
he knew he should’ve gone about things in a different way, should’ve been . . . better somehow ? always tries his best to push & push & push until there’s no other resolution than to either face it head on or never be involved again. some sick part of him thought the latter would probably be the easiest for the both of them. tries not to give anything away, to act unbothered, like he didn’t feel anything at all. ( that’s not really worked well for him thus far, has it ? ) ❛ who says i’ve been dodging you ?❜ picks up the lone towel he’d used to dry off with, before he got dressed, & slung it around his neck in an attempt to do anything other than look at the other male face to face. ❛ i’ve been busy. ❜ yeah, busy dodging him ! ❛ don’t you have other people to hang out with ? ❜ head tilts only slightly, acts as if the thought of cal spending time with others, the way he spent time with himself, doesn’t bother him. like he’d be totally fine without the other; isn’t that what he tried to prove at the party ?
“ busy, huh? ” a disbelieving tone colors his words, making it clear just how much he buys that excuse. “ of course i do, ” he pushes forwards regardless, taking a couple more steps closer to the other, trying to bridge at least one of the expansive gaps that have been forced between the pair. he hates it ; wants to just put an end to whatever this is and get back to how things were between them before that damn party. “ but i want to spend time with you. ” it was meant to sound suggestive ( and be followed by an all too intentional drag of his gaze to really drive the point home ), but the words come out startlingly sincere. because he misses theo – had gotten so used to the other’s company that he feels the lack of it when it’s ripped away from him. so maybe it’s time to be a little more clear. moves in closer still, until he’s practically toe - to - toe with theo and horribly desperate to bridge those last few inches to touch him. “ let’s forget about the party, okay? ”
i started out w/ a cute n sleek ponytail this morning …… then this was me by noon. hair frazzled, somehow dropped down like 2 inches ….. r o u g h ://// i suddenly gotta go email everyone who saw me this afternoon and issue a Formal Apology™
( also ! i should be on later tonight for some replies !!! )
the quip had him wilting; a scorched sun burning relief from his bones, drying and squeezing out the heavy beat of his heart, challenging him, warning him that his words were dangerous and spiked. sebastian had to bite for his own safety, but there was a reason why he could only argue the point there – under stars and away from the public. karim doubted it was for the sake of the male’s reputation, but maybe… his own. maybe the direct jab and sarcastic drawl in sebastian’s voice was for karim’s benefit – not that it made it any easier to be grateful. “because.” he bit on the inside of his cheek, chewed at the flesh as words and phrases tried to knit themselves into something coherent, something kind and eloquent that would disarm sebastian from nipping him further. karim’s palms slowly lowered, though never removing contact with the other male, and loosely gripped at the hem of an expensive blazer (one he’d had tailored for the taller). “…then i have time to make it up to you,” he proposed. “even if it’s as abhorrent as drinking super artificial milkshakes. or breaking into abandoned sheds. or smoking some terrible, terrible, weed above an equally terrible rooftop.”
he keeps scrambling to hold onto anger that isn’t there. each time he reaches to latch on to the feeling, it slips further and further through cracks of his fingers. but he keeps reaching in, desperate for something to hold onto, until knuckles brush against that unnamed emotion laying patiently under the cooled pool of anger. finds out that when he focuses on it too long, his throat constricts and his heart tries to slam a warning against his ribcage, only to be yanked back with a painful thud. it hurts, and the dulled pain sitting in his chest afterwards is nothing short of worrisome. because being hurt means he cared … that he stood in the ring with open arms expecting to somehow not be hit with a guard so far down. he has no one to blame but himself for allowing it to happen, to give himself up to take the knockdown. and yet here he is, trying to be upset at someone for picking up the gloves he had handed to them and being surprised when they take a swing, unintentional or not. suddenly every question, every argument he wants to make feels as if it’ll show that bleeding part to the other and put it right on display for both of them to see and acknowledge. so instead he casts his gaze skywards, ignoring the other’s suggestions in favor of allowing himself a moment to recollect. it’s a frantic effort, and the result is half - hearted at best, but it holds for now. only then does he drop his attention back to karim in front of him, letting out a breath that borders somewhere between frustrated and tired. “ … fuck it, whatever. just get us out of here. preferably to somewhere where we can’t talk. ” he doesn’t want to give him a chance to pick his brain, to say something that will pull the barely covered tear open again when it’s still fresh and new. “ show me how sorry you are. ”
